Oh please, not the museum of phones! Duncan Rhodes tracks down
Wroclaw's strangest visitor attraction and is pleasantly surprised
I was already bored and I hadn't even arrived yet. Why couldn't
Wroclaw have a famous war museum, packed full of sleek fighter
planes, shiny machine guns and long-range homing missiles?
Or, better still, Poland's largest collection of erotica? I could
just imagine myself spending an afternoon probing the world
of sex toys and fetishes, and writing up a juicy article, with plenty of
double entendres, at a later date. No such luck! As I undertook a daring
mission to uncover the culture of Wroclaw, the best lead I had was taking
me to the 'Post and Telecommunications Museum'. Rock and roll.
SPIES LIKE US
My visit certainly started unpromisingly enough. After poking my
head in various nooks and crannies of what I thought was the
right building, I eventually received some gruff directions telling
me to head upstairs. Here at least I found a bureau baring a vague
resemblance to a reception desk; however, to my dismay, it was not
staff ed by a buxom beaming blonde in uniform, but by a middleaged
matron exhibiting the kind of attentiveness and customer
service one associates with the dark days of Soviet Russia. 'Mowi pani
po angielsku?' I dared to ask. In reply I received an unapologetic shake
of the head and the sort of distrusting glare which I imagined must
have been perfected during the height of Cold War paranoia.
Opting for the defiantly cheerful approach, I boldly stated that
I had 'come to see the musuem', with a special emphasis on the
internationally recognised 'm' word. A cocked eyebrow was the only
sign that this surly attendant was at least considering the possibility
that I was not a foreign spy. Upon my repeating this seemingly
obvious statement, a change as abrupt as her ertswhile manners
came over the old girl. Where only a moment before a stalwart
sentinel was staring me out, now a relentlessly helpful member of
staff was whistling and working with an air of 'why didn't you say so?'
HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE
I watched in amazement as this busybody stirred the museum
into action, flicking on row upon row of previously dormant light
switches, rousing fellow attendants from their crossword-induced dozes, and bending my ear with a veritable torrent of Slavonically
intoned information.
Suddenly, with a sweep of her cardiganed arm, Employee
of the Year 2006 was revealing the threshold of the Post and
Telecommunications Museum, with the pride of a mother showing
off her newborn child.
It was hardly the inconspicuous entrance I was hoping for. So
much for sneaking in, giving the exhibits the cursory perusal that
they warranted at most, and then quickly sneaking back out to the
more congenial atmosphere of the pub! With the entire institution's
entourage on red alert, I resigned myself to the fact that I would be
forced to feign interest in Poland's very own Penny Black for at least
an hour.
As it happened, I needn't have feared one jot. After wandering
through a rather interesting presentation on the history of the Polish
postal service and weaving past an impressive collection of colourful
postboxes from around the world, I eventually made my way into the
adjoining rooms at the back, where I discovered the museum's true
treasures! Yes, it was here, in the rear section of a forgotten museum, in
Poland's fifth largest city, that I chanced upon the most seriously kitsch
stash of telecommunication machinery that anyone has ever seen!
VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR
Archaic telephones, antiquated telegraphs and prehistoric switchboard
machines were displayed before me in all their retro-glory, either frozen
behind glass plates or propped up on sterile white tables like the
assembled bones of so many dinosaurs from diff erent eras.
I found myself examining each with a curious kind of morbid fascination.
Of course, I didn't really know what any of these machines were or did,
but it gave me a strangely superior thrill to find myself among the dials,
buttons, levers and knobs of so many 'revolutionary' technologies, long
since rendered extinct by the advances of science.
In fact, I was still smugly cooing over the irony that these once mighty
machines couldn't hold a torch to the Samsung A800 in my pocket,
when I chanced upon one particular cabinet, containing - to my
incredulity - a handful of mobile phones. Admittedly, some of them looked more like tank batteries than portable
telecommunications devices, but I was
astonished to see one model that looked
suspiciously similar to the Ericsson I had traded
in only a few months previously. Suddenly I
wasn't so smug.
As I bade a hearty farewell to the attendants,
instead of laughing at the simplicity of
previous generations, I was left to mull
over just how long it would be before
future epochs are ridiculing such humble
technology as instant messaging, video links
and satellite navigation systems.
MUSEUMS & HOTSPOTS
Raclawice Panorama
Purkyniego 11, Tel: 071 344 2344
Huge crowds, a 'must-see'
reputation and overpriced
tickets provide plenty of excuses
to pass up on Wroclaw's most
famous tourist attraction. Don't!
It's well worth a visit, and the same
ticket gets you into the National
Museum for free.
National Museum
Powstancow Warzawy 5,
Tel: 071 343 8839
Attendants dog your footsteps
every inch of the way on your
three-floor odyssey into the world
of Polish art (whatever you do,
don't take a photo without having
purchased the special pass!). At
ground level are some interesting
oils, but unless you're big on
religious iconography, you can skip
the first floor and get straight to
grips with the mind-bending 20thcentury
stuff on the second.
Arsenal
Cieszynskiego 9
Worth visiting for its red-bricked
walls bedecked with creeping
vines and equally impressive
courtyard, the Arsenal building
hosts both the Military and
Archeological Museums. The
former is a festival of ancient
helmets, polearms and shiny
artillery, and the latter is certainly
worth a nose around, seeing as
you're there.
The University
Uniwersytecki 1, Tel: 071 375 2245
The baroque Aula Leopolda
(Leopold's Hall) in the University
is one of the city's most popular
attractions and certainly
impressive, albeit overhyped. In
the same building, find the kooky
'300 Years of Wroclaw University'
Exhibition and the Mathematician's
Tower, from which you get a good
view of the city.
Museum of the Academy of Fine Arts
Romualda Traugutta 19/21,
Tel: 071 343 8451
Another deserted gem, this
diminutive space (one room
to be precise!) holds some
very interesting and often very
beautiful works by the students
and professors of the Wroclaw
Academy of Fine Arts. Worth
dropping by if you've ticked off
all the must-sees.
BOROSZLÓ (WROCLAW)
EGY MÚZEUMI KALAND
Wroclawi Posta és Telekommunikációs
Múzeum – már akkor halálra untam
magam, amikor még oda
sem értem.
Látogatásom nem
kezdődött túl
kecsegtetően, amikor
a recepciós néni
hidegen végigmért.
Felvont szemöldöke
volt az egyetlen árulkodó jel,
hogy nem külföldi kémnek tart. Amikor újra
elmondtam, hogy a múzeumot szeretném
látni, teljesen megváltozott.
Hirtelen felélénkült. Csak bámultam, ahogy
életet lehel a múzeumba, sorról sorra
felkapcsolja a lámpákat, felrázza a felügyelőket
a szendergésből és információk tömegével
árasztja el az agyamat. Őskori telefonok, antik
telegráfok és özönvíz előtti kapcsolótáblák
sora fogadott, teljes retro-pompában.
Azon kaptam magam, hogy morbid
érdeklődéssel
vizsgálgatom
őket. Nem
mintha
tudtam volna,
hogy ezek a
gépek mire
valók vagy
mit csinálnak,
de fura
felsőbbrendű
érzéssel töltött
el, hogy olyan „forradalmian” új technológiák
között mászkálhatok, amelyeket már rég
kihaltnak nyilvánítottak.
Még akkor is ironikus önelégültséggel
álmélkodtam az egykor olyan fantasztikus
ketyeréken, amelyek ma a Samsung
A800-asom nyomába se érhetnek, amikor
megakadt a szemem egy mobiltelefonokat
bemutató tárolón. Meglepetten fedeztem
föl egy készüléket, ami gyanúsan hasonlított
arra az Ericssonra, amit pár hónappal ezelőtt
számítottak be az új telefonom árába. Az
önelégült mosoly elég hamar leolvadt az
arcomról.
WROCŁAWSKIE
MUZEUM POCZTY I
TELEKOMUNIKACJI
Początek mojej wizyty wyglądał mało
obiecująco. Recepcjonistka przyglądała
mi się chłodno. Czułem, że widzi we
mnie zagranicznego szpiega. Dopiero jak
powtórzyłem, że przyszedłem zwiedzić
muzeum, coś ją tknęło. Nagle
się ożywiła. Zaczęła pstrykać
– jeden po drugim – włączniki
światła, budzić innych
zwiedzających z
drzemki i zasypywać
mnie strumieniem
przeróżnych
informacji. Archaiczne
telefony, staroświeckie telegrafy i
przedpotopowe centralki telefoniczne
prezentowały się w pełnej krasie. Przyłapałem
się na tym, że przyglądam się im z
zafascynowaniem. Nie miałem oczywiście
pojęcia, co to były za urządzenia i do czego
służyły. Jednak świadomość, że znalazłem
się wśród tak wielu rewolucyjnych osiągnieć
techniki, dawno już uznanych za przestarzałe,
dostarczyła mi dziwnie dużych emocji.
Ciągle jednak - ironicznie i
z poczuciem wyższości
- pomrukiwałem, że
te kiedyś może dobre
urządzenia nie umywają
się do Samsunga A800,
którego mam w kieszeni.
Ale przypadkiem natknąłem
się na gablotkę z telefonami
komórkowymi. Ze
zdumieniem spostrzegłem,
że jeden z modeli jest podejrzanie
podobny do Ericssona, którego - dosłownie
kilka miesięcy wcześniej - wymieniłem na swój
nowy telefon. Mina mi zrzedła.
|
